alyssa ellman and chris collette married at first sight

Is Alyssa from Married at First Sight a narcissist?

After Alyssa Ellman’s appearance on Season 14 of Married at First Sight fans have been questioning if she is a narcissist. Alyssa was the first cast member to leave the show mid-season after her husband Chris Collette asked for a divorce upon returning from the honeymoon. Fans watched as she repeatedly mistreated Chris by insulting his looks and character, refusing to go anywhere near him and alleging that he is somehow being rude and disrespectful towards her.

Narcissist or just a jerk?

Alyssa made her mind up about disliking Chris as soon as she laid eyes on him, but chose to marry him anyway (presumably to stay on the show). Alyssa does come across as someone with an over-inflated ego and a heightened sense of self-worth, but can she really be classified as a narcissist? While it is impossible to diagnose someone with a personality disorder like NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) from limited footage, why not use the information we do have about Alyssa and apply it to the Narcissistic Personality checklist? 

1. Grandiose sense of self-importance

From what we saw, Alyssa’s personality fits this description. Never before has a cast member demanded to stay on the show about marriage, in an apartment paid for by production, without their spouse. There have been cast members in the past who did not move in together because of incompatibilities but none of them demanded to live with the rest of the cast and dismiss the person they were matched with. The person who lacked interest went back to their own respective dwelling and showed up for interviews as per their agreement with the show.

Alyssa from Married at First Sight Narcissist
Photo Credit- Lifetime

Alyssa clearly felt that she deserves special treatment regardless of how it affected her spouse, the style of the show, or even the other couples. Her explanation was that she “worked hard to get here” and that she should be allowed to stay.
Narcissist score 1/1 ✔️

2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

While we do not know Alyssa well enough to determine her feelings about the first three, she did seem preoccupied with beauty and ideal love. When asked about traits she is looking for in her future husband, her first response was that he should be cute. She rejected Chris as soon as she saw him because he didn’t fit her image of the ideal husband. Alyssa came into the experience with a picture in her mind of what her match would look like down to the type of tattoos he would have. So instead of getting to know Chris to see why they were matched, Alyssa turned on him. She actually seemed outraged that the experts would do this to HER, turning herself into a victim.
Narcissist score 1/1 ✔️

Is Alyssa from MAFS a narcissist?
Photo Credit – Lifetime

3. The belief they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

We don’t know Alyssa well enough to determine this as we did not really get to know her friends, family and affiliations. Granted, her attempt to become a reality TV star could be chalked up to this, but we really don’t have enough information.
Narcissist score 0/1 ❌ 

4. Need for excessive admiration

Narcissists are all about their image. Their drive revolves entirely around how others perceive them. A narcissistic parent, for example, needs their child to reaffirm that they are the best, most competent, most caring parent who has made enormous sacrifices. A narcissistic spouse will look for a reflection of their own self-assessment in their partner. They require unlimited love, grand gestures, compliments and confirmation that the narcissist is exactly as amazing, beautiful, kind and important as they perceive themselves to be.

Alyssa showing signs of narcissism with the producers of MAFS
Photo Credit – Lifetime.

“I am a good person. I am literally nice to literally everyone.”

Alyssa, MAFS Season 14, Boston

If the narcissist’s victim does not meet this expectation, they will be punished and eventually discarded by the narcissist. In the case of Alyssa, there did appear to be a need for excessive admiration and exceptional concern for self-image. Alyssa said that she bought 10 wedding dresses and then there was of course the famous “I am a good person” line. As many fans pointed out a good person does not need to try to convince others, especially while acting the opposite way.

Alyssa is showing narcissist tendencies on Married at First Sight
Photo Credit – Lifetime

As time went on, we witnessed Alyssa getting angrier and angrier at people who did not reflect her image of herself, including the producers and even her own mother who tried to steer her straight.
Narcissist score 1/1 ✔️

5. Sense of entitlement

Clearly Alyssa felt entitled. Aside from expecting special privileges, she was disappointed that she wasn’t given the perfect spouse (as she imagined him). She also felt that she should be made to look good on TV, even while she was making it impossible for the cameras. She was convinced that MAFS should change the rules for her especially after they had let her down (in her mind). So yes, she behaved very entitled in that situation.
Narcissist score 1/1 ✔️

Is Alyssa a narcissist

6. Interpersonally exploitative behavior

Narcissists exploit and use other people for their own gain. There was a trace of that when Alyssa asked Chris to “appear united” even though she was clearly not into the marriage. But aside from that we didn’t observe her exploiting other situations for her benefit. Instead she stomped and raged when she didn’t get her way. So, not enough information here.
Narcissist score 0/1 ❌.

7. Lack of empathy

Uhh yes. While defending her own image Alyssa never once considered Chris’s feelings. The poor guy was humiliated and rejected while she continued the assault on his character. Instead of politely explaining that she doesn’t feel a spark, Alyssa unsuccessfully attempted to make Chris look bad. She had zero regard for how this turn of events was affecting him. No matter how confident or solid a person is, that kind of a reaction from a complete stranger would be very hurtful and traumatic. Narcissist score 1/1 ✔️.

Alyssa will not sit near Chris on MAFS season 14, narcissist
Photo Credit – Lifetime.

8. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them

Not enough information, although likely.
Narcissist score 0/1 ❌.

9. Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviours or attitudes

Narcissist score 1/1 ✔️

To tally it up, Alyssa scored 6/9 on the Narcissistic Personality checklist. Again, this is not a diagnosis, but at the very least we can conclude that Alyssa exhibited a lot of narcissistic tendencies during her time on Married at First Sight.

Alyssa should take this opportunity to reflect on her behavior. However, if she is in fact a narcissist, she will not, because true narcissists lack personal awareness and are incapable of change.

What are the experts saying?

On Instagram, Pastor Cal shared the clip of his chat with Chris and Alyssa.

“Unfortunately, some people think they know what they want but really don’t. And then there are others who are dishonest throughout the process. We may not always be able to tell the difference between the two but in the end, the truth always prevails.”

Pastor Cal Roberson, Married at First Sight